Bennett was playing with the camera on the computer today. The bottom picture she took of herself the top picture was the one that was on the iphoto screen when I came to the computer tonight.
Our loss is so big. I think we are both feeling angy and sad. With my sister gone we float around the house. I try to get out but I am tired and B resists. She had a full blown tantrum on the streets of Easthampton yesterday - that took a lot out of us.
Aunt Ruth again came to the rescue and took Bennett to the farm tonight. I escaped to the gym ran 2 miles and lifted weights. Hopefully she will come home tired and relaxed like me.
It has been six months - I can't believe it.
Six months. I can't believe it, either. Oh, how I miss that big smile, that face, that person. She was such a great person and such a good friend. Your loss is huge and of course you are still sad, angry, etc. I don't always fully comprehend the ways and depth of my missing Ruth, but a picture always reminds me of how very much I miss her in my life. Thanks for posting. Sandy
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs to you and Bennett.
ReplyDeleteBobbin
i was just thinking about how long it's been this morning. Bob's birthday is tomorrow (well really today now, that it's after midnight), and of course I immediately got to thinking about Ruth's birthday next week. She was one of those wonderful Virgos in my life, like Bob is. All these milestones are hard, and immediately make me think of you and Bennett, and how impossible they must feel to both of you. I wish there were words of comfort to take the hurt and loss away, but there are none and rightly so, because the loss is truly enormous and there's no softening that, because there was so much good love when the three of you were together. I'm sending my love now and next week.
ReplyDeleteJim
You brought so much to Ruth's life - your presence and energy made her so happy and fulfilled. Now you bring all of that to B. I miss Ruth and am grateful to know you and B. Fall is a time of reflection while gathering strength for the winter and spring to come.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth S
Hi Pat... I am floating around my house, too. I think I left part of myself back in Holyoke. I am eating my Kale..lol
ReplyDeleteI wish I had the answers, but everyone needs to walk through the fire in their own way including Bennett. I don't think there is way to make her any less sad or angry, but I do believe there will come a time when things turn a corner and she will be more at peace. I hope that the group that you have joined helps with this process. Love you tons.. Di
Pat, thank you for sharing your life and sorrow with all of us. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches with you, Pat. So much of Ruth to miss - all of her creativity, presence, and enormous love - each anniversary is another reminder - bringing back all the good times and hard times. I can only imagine the challenge of every day. May some light shine into your broken heart and heal even a little. Much love to you and Bennett.
ReplyDeleteHugs and Love, Pat. Hang on. There is goodness in life, it's just hard for you to see right now. So much to experience with your daughter. Karen B
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