Fabulous birthday

It was Avy's birthday party this weekend - there is so much anxiety as a parent to give your child a fabulous birthday experience.  Sandy did a good job.  The right people, the right amount of play time, a great cake (barbie in a cake dress!)  

I do wonder how much anxiety this creates for the kids - Bennett and Avy love each other without a doubt but struggle with fighting and jealousy.

Is competing a natural human condition?  I feel like my friends compete with me or just do not tell me things they feel I do not want to know.

I remember as a child playing games by myself to avoid competing - something about competition always felt wrong.  Would the world fall apart if everyone gave there all to each other not for a gain?  Would you loose yourself or would you gain yourself?

Hard to post

I have had a hard time posting.  It has been a year and missing Ruth is harder than ever.  Nancy says she is with me.  I know that is true because Bennett sees Momo.  She saw her in our kitchen and in the orange sky of sunrise.  Bennett sings about her being with god as an angel.  I am following Bennett as best as I can.

As Nancy says I gave Bennett to Ruth and she gave Bennett to me.