Breath

I need to take a breath.

I did in yoga today - both Sandy and Nancy have been urging me to try yoga.  When I tell Nancy about my hip and foot problems she asks have you tried yoga?

I went to one class last week - and was sore for two days following it.  Then today I was so tired (in a good way) after the class I just went home and drank water.  Its crazy - it looks so simple and somewhat easy but it is really hard!  Especially for someone who just jogs and lifts weights - my stomach muscles are being reminded that they exist.

My frustration around trying to plan some kind of trip over the holidays was at a peek yesterday.  Ruth who has been my steady support and has said up until yesterday that she was committed to going with Bennett and I on this trip, backed out.  I had done all this work trying to find a place that would accommodate Ruth, Theo, myself and B but now I need to rethink the whole plan.  Bennett has already told everyone at school she is going to a beach over the holiday.  Anyone want to go to Puerto Rico with us?

Maybe the hardest thing is that I feel like I do not have a family - someone that really wants to be with me and B.  Bennett cried on the way home from school saying she wanted another mom, dad anything in her family - I agree.  She made a wonderful picture of Sandy, Me, Avy and herself - she also said she wanted them to move in with us.  If only life was that simple.

Don't Piss Off The Fairies

former location of a large dark hole

Bennett and I fixed the side of the house yesterday.  You could actually see the backside of the drywall in the back room from outside before we patched it.   I think yesterday may have been the last warm day we will see for a while.  We saw snowflakes in the air today.

I am trying to stay positive.  We went to dinner at Liz and Julie's friends for thanksgiving.  Bennett had fun with another 5 year old girl and Diana  had present bags for each of the kids - super nice.  I tried to make conversation with people but it feels like everyone is from a different planet- their own planet.

the horse barn

Horses were cancelled today they had some fence problems.  We will go tomorrow.

I like the Don't Piss Off the Fairies sign on the post.

good news

Got an email from Mary that Maily Grandma is doing better!  And she seems to be in good spirits.  I was able to chat with her a bit the other day.  Sometimes I think I am loosing my hearing when I am on the phone - my friend Sandy said its my crappy phone not my ears.  It was nice to hear Marianna's voice.

turkey talking to an owl in a tree

We have pumpkin custard in the oven - a favorite recipe of Ruth's slightly altered for me using agave instead of sugar.  Luckily Aunt Julie and Liz got us an invitation to a friends for thanksgiving.  There will be lots of people including other children.

Tears

Sometimes you save up the tears.

Tonight I cry for so many things my Mom and Ruth's mom who is in the hospital.  Marianna who is like a mom to me- she sent books to Bennett and emails to me about loosing Dirk and living alone.  I did not know how I looked forward to her emails until I may not have any more.

I must

Bennett is asleep she has been so tired she just falls asleep in my lap.  I find myself just trying to feed her and make her comfortable when she sleeps.  Her BFF Avy has also been tired they play and play and whine and whine.  Sandy worries that Avy is too whiney but I am reasurred that 5 year olds whine.    Sandy and Avy are part of our family.

I must get a new camera, ours is broken.  I must continue to plan a holiday - Bennett and I would be lost without something.  Puerto Rico is our new destiny.

I must patch a large hole in our house.  I can see to the drywall from the outside of the house.  Such is life.

I continue to run that is my savior - 3 miles today.  Yesterday 2.5 and 3 on wednesday.

asleep on a boat at sea

Bennett has fallen asleep - I think it was around 4:30 pm.  We hung out this morning enjoying a day with no obligations.  We did nothing till about noon then just dressing to take Zues for a walk around the neighborhood.  Ruth and Theo's is a destination on these walks - we stopped and played a bit.

B and I worked hard when we got home - cleaning up the leaves in the front of the house.  She is a worker! Bennett also made a horse book today - it is great!  She illustrated herself with Sarg(the horse she visits on Saturdays).  She has been so tired lately.  She fell asleep yesterday on the way home from the horse farm.

Bennett had difficulties transitioning in school this week.  The teachers were so wonderful they role played drop off with her.  The next day she was a star!

She drew a picture of me and her on a boat at sea.