Tonight Ruth Copeland asked me why I stopped the blog. I had to say I was ashamed of my anger toward my friends and I did not know how to balance my private feelings and the public blog. I felt like no one understood what i was going through. My Ruth seemed to balance that with precision. Also I stopped running which was the promise I tried to give and was unable.
I have come to the point where I have accepted the loss of Ruth, I had to tell another neighbor she had passed away. Unfortunately I am not as good, gracious or gentle as she was. So here I am struggling to be good and whole when part of me is gone. I still want love and to have life with me. Of course Bennett is wonderous and good but the dream is to watch that develope with someone else and that is difficult.
Interesting pair of posts in the same day. I'm sorry you've had to feel this. Please see my comment on your other post. Much love!
ReplyDeleteAs a friend watching you heal...I (we) are OK with your anger. I think we understand that it is a part of healing. I remember a friend of my dads passing when I was a teen. He had told his wife she would, and should re marry. That was 20 years ago. The circle of (his) friends has kept him alive for his children. When they bump into his son, now a grown man, they eagerly share stories about his dad. There will be this for Bennett. All the friends who will keep Ruth alive no matter how your life evolves. You deserve to be loved. Karen B
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