Friday, October 3, 2014

Ok I thought I was done but here I am again.  Bennett has started a new school again  this year.   I ran into old friends at the garlic festival that was great!  Tonight B and I went to a movie night at her school.   I saw a kid we knew from preschool and suggested B go and say hi.  She went over and sat near her and it seemed to take a while for them to say hi, but after the girl seemed to look around then went to ask a different girl to sit by her-ignoring Bennett - it seemed hurtful to Bennett to me- so I approached her mom to see why Ava would do that but of course that did not go well- I was feeling protective of B and came off defensively(or aggresively).

Here it is Ava's family has known me since before Ruth died, they came to her memorial- yet they act like nothing has happened.  Tonight Zan said to me I dont know you - yet she was at Ruth's memoriaL.  what do you need to know?  My partner, love, extension of myself died - you saw my raw wound.  It is ironic or a lesson for me that they are at Bs new school.

Do people understand loss before they experience it?  Of course there are many levels of loss and usually (if we live in a privilaged world) we experience it as grandparents, parents, partners, ourselves...unlikely these days you loose a child.  I live with a cemetery in my backyard and see how many parents have lost children.  My own mother lost my sister before she was three-  part of farm life.

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