I was going through Ruth's emails trying to reconfigure the computer email and came across this
Bennett Ranger van Erp was born June 23 at 7:10. She weighed in at 6"Ruth van Erp" <ruth.vanerp@gmail.com> 6/26/2007 9:45 AM >>>
lbs 7 oz and is 20.5 inches. Moms and baby are doing great. Pat was
incredibly heroic and graceful during labor and Bennett came out
screaming. We are so happy to see her. Pictures and more info will
follow.
Thanks to everyone for such wonderful support and love!
Love,
Ruth and Pat
I often think that Ruth should be here with Bennett not me - it was her energy and love that brought Bennett into the world.
Bennett said tonight that Momo always made her feel better.
Ran 2 miles with zeus today.
This post deserves a good cry. Several of them.
ReplyDeleteLove you both. You and Bennett are so lucky to have each other right now.
Jim
Bennett is your gift from Ruth, and your strength. You may not feel it right now but, she is. Motherhood is tough Pat. I have spent many hours crying myself. Honestly , I bet every mother has.You have to give yourself time and credit for what you do get done. Bennett is just expressing how she felt with and about Ruth. I am sure that you make her feel better, you make her feel safe, and loved. You are her mom. Trust yourself. This is so important... and cry if you need to.
ReplyDeleteLove, Karen B
I agree with Jim. This post deserves a good cry, from all of us. Pat, I know how much Ruth wanted to be a mom and how much she enjoyed it. I so miss enjoying it (and sometimes not) with her. And I still feel angry that she was denied the chance to see her daughter grow up. I did not know the two of you when you were pregnant, but I am willing to bet that it was both your energy and love, together, that brought Bennett into the world. And, of course, you carried her and literally delivered her in. I know that Bennett is missing Ruth terribly and that she sometimes may say things that make you feel like a not-good-enough mom. Part of it is the age; Avy can say hurtful things to me, too. But I hope you know that you are more than a good-enough mom to Bennett. The love you have for her is the most important thing, now and always. Ruth and I talked a bit in the weeks before she died about some of her concerns and one thing I know is that she was not at all worried about leaving you to take care of Bennett. She had no doubts about your ability there at all. She even joked about it and said the only thing she feared was that you wouldn't get Bennett braces or would send her to McMahon School. We had a good laugh about that. (And really, she told me she did not truly think McMahon would be a horrible choice). So please remember that you are doing the best you can and being the best mom that you know how to be, at the most difficult time in both your lives. That is incredibly heroic. Love, Sandy
ReplyDeleteCarrying B and giving birth was one of the most unselfish, courageous things I know. You have an unbreakable bond with
ReplyDeleteB which became even stronger while Ruth was ill. Young children can be so blunt without knowing the impact. You have the tough job of balancing your grief with B's. You are doing a great job and crying is part of this. Sadness and anger are real feelings. I bought a wooden wing yesterday and put a picture of Ruth from the time we were at the New School in it. I believe there will be a time when we can remember and not be sad.
Thinking of you. Elizabeth S
Ruth always made me feel better too.
ReplyDeleteLoving Bennett and doing what you think is best for her makes you a great mom. One of the hardest parts is knowing what is best and Ruth had strong ideas about that which must leave you feeling at sea sometimes.
Bennett is a gift to all of us.
Love, Mary