Puppy?

Monday seems to bring about a lot of crying.  Crying, kicking, screaming and running.  Bennett did not want to be left.  At school or later in the day when I had to go to work.  She ran out of the house chased by Auntie Ruth I could see them and hear Bennett crying as I drove away.

I also cried just thinking about leaving her.  Leaving has become heart wrenching for both of us.

Ran 3.5 miles on the treadmill today - something so satisfying about the treadmill - consistent and controlled.

I want to get a puppy but think this might be crazy.

This is a picture of B and I at the butterfly place in Deerfield - Sally Prasch took this picture.

Easter bonnet

Another fabulous Easter at Auntie Ruth's and Theo's.  We had egg hunting, Easter bonnet making, the Easter bunny and dinner.

At the dinner table we went around and each shared a remembrance of someone in heaven.  Bennett remembered Momo.

So perfect and beautiful and heartbreaking.





Here they are two years earlier at the Easter bonnet party.

Happy B-day Tanta

Tanta Di had to leave today on her birthday.  We had a great dinner with other aunties at the Great Wall (the best Chinese restaurant in the valley) last night.  We went to Northampton yesterday to B's favorite spots A to Z (toy store) and Herril's (ice cream).  Diane bought Bennett presents even though it was her own birthday and both B and Di enjoyed ice cream.  I got a black eye from a bicyclist on the sidewalk which looked dramatic (blood and swelling) but didnt really hurt much.

I ran 3.5 (maybe a bit more) through Holyoke (to Mnt. Tom  and back).  Today I ran around the reservoir 3.5 miles both beautiful days!

Bennett spent quite a bit of time with Aunties Ruth and Theo today which helped her to let Tanta Di leave.  When we got home she immediately asked where is Tanta Di?  We talked about how Tanta Di would come this summer to spend fun time with us.

I hope Di and my other sis Dorotha are having a great night tonight - wish we could all be together.

Tanta and B I padding.

separation anxiety

Bennett had a very difficult transition this morning.  She did not want me to leave her at school and plainly said she wanted me to be with her all day.

On the way to school she talked about missing Momo. She asked me if I would grow to be as tall as Momo and other Momo related questions.  During the bedtime routine she asked if she or Avy would die first and if she would get tumors.

She is working so hard to integrate so much.  I think she is doing more in her little heart and head than I can imagine.

Tomorrow we will take a day off from school and hang out with Tanta Di.  Its her last day here and we want as much Tanta Di time as we can get - its also her birthday this weekend.

Even though its Diane's birthday she has been so generous this week - helping me, Bennett and Zues (buying dog food and paying for my car to be fixed).  She walked Zues today so I could go to the gym.  I ran 3.5 miles.  Occasionally I like the treadmill so I can see my pace and I enjoy the steam room (very relaxing).  What an amazing family and group of friends I am so lucky.

Why blog

I did 3.5 miles today in around and out of whiting reservoir.  It is a great run no major ups or downs and your on a nice open flat path.  It was an incredible spring day - the wind to my back made me feel like I was flying (I wasn't going that fast but it felt great).

My sister and I had a grand evening with Avy, Brad and Sandy.  Dinner, talk and cheese!

I was thinking today about why I decided to do this.  Part of me thinks I did not want to let go of the ritual of blogging every night that Ruth did.  I always read it and sometimes gave input so felt very much apart of it even though it was Ruth's blog.  The blog was a great way for us to remember some of the little (but great and sometimes terrible) things that happened during the day.  It is amazing how days can pass and you can forget many of the details.

Also having to write down every day how far I have run solidifies my commitment to running 1000 miles.

Then there is the fact that I have to process what has happened.  One thing that Ruth taught me was not to run away (though as you can tell from the blog that is what I want to do) but to be in my life.  Bennett is also teaching me this as I believe most children do.

This is one of the last pictures of Ruth.  She was watching top chef with her sisters in St. Lucia.

hills are hard

Zues and I went for a run on the old fire road trail on Mnt Tom  - 3 miles.  Beautiful day - the hills still cause me to loose my pace.  They are hard maybe in a year I will be able to run up them.

Diane helped me get a few more things knocked off my paper work mountain this morning (thanks Di).

We took Bennett to the park to meet Sandy and Avy.  Bennett and Avy played, rode bikes, flew a kite and had a lot of fun.  Di took a few great pics.

Bennett was sad at bed time.  She said she missed Momo and was home sick.  I always felt Ruth was my home - from the moment I met her.

She also asked where Momo was.  We talked about the fact that her body was in box in the studio and we needed to put it in the new pots we got.   I think I need to talk to Ruth C about this to figure it out.  Bennett fell asleep easy and snuggled close to me.

Tuesday is always better than Monday.  There is more time to breath.


Here are some girls with secrets and stories to tell.

Diane is here

My sister Diane arrived last night around 6 pm - with lots of presents for Bennett and Cheese for me!   Its great to have family here.   We had a bit of catching up to do so did not post yesterday.  Diane took care of my Mom the last year before she died which was very close to the time Ruth was diagnosed.

Bennett went to Auntie Liz and Julies yesterday - Liz, Bennett, myself and the dogs went for a walk in the woods near their house.  I found two ticks on Bennett today- one imbedded in her neck!  Luckily it came out on its own.  I did take her to the doctor to get checked out - it was a deer tick but because it came out within 24 hours there is very little chance of her getting lime disease.  It makes me itch just thinking about it.

this is the offending tick

I went to the gym around 2:20 yesterday got in about 17 minutes running on the treadmill before they kicked me out.  They close early on Sundays - I did manage to run 2 miles.

Today I did not run - I just had to much going on.  Two good felter friends came to visit and do a bit of welding - Linda and Carol - they are so great and supportive.  Then I had to walk a little dog - Pippet - Diane came along -then we picked Bennett up - I took B to the doctor - then I taught at Hampshire.  Diane managed to put Bennett to bed - she utilized her magic ipad ways.

I hope tomorrow will be less busy.