Ruth's hands

Ruth's hands were extraordinary Jim reminded me.   They were long, beautiful and got comments from strangers on the street.  They exist in visual memory in many of the art works in our house.   Ruth's hands translated through the shrinkage of clay into proportionately perfect hands.  They were Gothic.

I miss them and ache for them.

B and I spent the day together.  I went on her school field trip to the science museum and she came to my final class at Hampshire.  She was really pretty well behaved.  One slight melt down at the museum - and really great during the class - one of my students was especially helpful and has offered babysitting in exchange for glass lessons (sounds good to me).

I am exhausted - ran 3.5 miles yesterday. Nothing today - just getting through the day.

Momo's eyes

Tonight was the last Monday night I had to teach this semester - yea!  Bennett was incredibly accepting of me leaving tonight.  She understands most things.   This kind of floors me because she has very little patience and self control and often looks as if she is not listening to a word I am saying.

I went to Snow Farm today to finish the little railing gaurd outside of the drawing studio.  It was a sunny clear cool day perfect for a little work.  It was so good to see old friends - SF really is a family to me.  I got hugs and talked about how Bennett is so amazing - asking questions adults avoid.

This made me remember when I got the urns and talked with B about Momo's cremains (that is the word for ashes I was told).  She asked where were Momo's eyes?  Such an incredible question.

I wonder myself where are her eyes?

I ran 2.75 miles today in a rush at the gym and 3.5 miles yesterday at the reservoir (thats when I get my wings on).  Thank you Aunties for helping so much - I could not do it without you.

Better Day

What happened to yesterday?  It was a much better day than Thursday.  I let alot of things go.  I told Bennett that I would pick her up mid day.  She was very pleased with this and let me leave her at school with out a fit.  I told myself all I needed to do was walk the dog and go for a jog (3.5 miles).  I accomplished both of these things before having to get B and it felt good.

It is a difficult balance of what should, could, can and will be done.

I have enjoyed comments that remind me that most people have some difficult times with small children.

dirty little ramps

nicely pickled

We spent yesterday afternoon shopping, eating ice cream and generally not worrying about anything.  I made an attempt to pickle ramps.

I was the gatherer of dirty edible things and Ruth was the processor.  Now I feel compelled to continue and rummage through her recipes and notes to follow her lead.  Its alot of work.

Today I cleaned the house - B did not want to put clothes on.  She finally did to take Zues out then we bundled up to go to Snow Farm.  I wanted to try to finish the railing I had promised Karen I would make.  Auntie Julie came to take B to see the tiny puppies.  She went and I made considerable progress on the project.  It was nice to say hello to several SF people who were up teaching.  It was a beautiful sunny cold day.

rough morning

Rough morning.  I dragged Bennett from bed at 9 am.  She had her eyes closed as I dressed her only opening them to refuse the dress I had chosen.  After peering at about 10 dresses she picked one and allowed me to put it on her as she was in a rag doll state.  We made it to school at about 9:45 (drop off is from 8:30 -9 am).

I stayed through circle time.  It is pretty cool to see what concepts they are working on days of the week, seasons, months, years ect.  It is also interesting to see that out of roughly 20 kids - 5 are bored - 10 are really engaged and 5 are kind of lost but I am sure getting something (they are the deaf boy, shy girls and young ones).  I remember going through school being bored, engaged and occasionally lost.  B is among the lost right now though I know she is still getting so much from school.

Leaving was difficult.  I had to ask for help and one of the teachers had to physically restrain B so I could leave the building.  How many times a week does she need to be restrained from running and kicking while screaming and crying?  I am not sure probably an average of one time a day.

Its taking its toll - I got home around 11 am and could not muster the strength to do any of my planned work.  I wanted to go to SF to finish a railing - ha good luck.  I managed to take Zues out for a run in the woods - 3 miles and I did the dishes!

Good friend Ruth C. reminded me things will get better.

I have enjoyed some good posts from Mary, Jim and others - this made me smile


Don't forget, there are polar bears in Central Park

This is Toes our lovely kitty that Ruth found on the side of the road and swore to me she thought the sign read free kitchen (I had said I did not like cats).  We laughed many times about that story.

going low

Lately I have been falling asleep with Bennett then waking up in the middle of the night with low blood sugar.  Its a bit of a pain.  I guess I should count myself as lucky since I can feel myself going low and can get up to eat something.

Usually I eat more than I need because I do not want to wake up again this can lead into my rollercoaster blood sugar days.  I will have numbers in the 200 -300 range then down to 70 or less a few hours later after trying to adjust with insulin.

I really hate talking about it.  I like to maintain the illusion that I am in control.

We skipped Tai Chi tonight.  Bennett did not want to go.  We talked about it in the car on the way home from school - she said she has to go to school and mama has to go to work but we do not have to go to tai chi.   I agreed with her assesment so we snuggled on the couch, watched a movie, took a bath and went to bed.

We did miss Aunt Ruth.

Ran 3 miles today.

Manic Monday

Another Manic Monday.

Bennett had a great day at school but after a chilly play date with Avy at the park she had a major meltdown.  All caused by a small strawberry shortcake doll at least thats what she was yelling for.  Avy had brought two ss dolls to play and share with Bennett.  When it was time to go B had a fit when I told her she had to give Avy back her doll.

I had to physically restrain her from running after Sandy and Avy as they left the park.  We managed to walk home and settle down to some strawberry shortcake on netflix.

When it was time for me to go to Hampshire B was very sad.  She cryed and asked me to stay just a little bit longer -heartbreaking.

Ruth and B at Snow Farm

Later when I got home the Auntie report was that B had a very nice time with both Auntie Julie and Ruth.

Only one more Monday night to go this semester - ran 3.5 miles today.

our minds are monsters

bounce/play house

I have been so tired I have been falling asleep with Bennett.  Friday night we camped out in Ruth and Theo's yard.  It was fun.  Sandy and Avy came over while I was setting up the huge tent.  Sandy helped me prevent it blowing into another yard.   We staked it down, blew up the air mattresses and the kids played in it like a bounce house fort.

roasting marshmellows! Theo is so good

Theo threw together a barbecue and we all hung out.  B and I were comfortable in our mansion tent but in what seemed like the middle of the night a car pulled into the driveway with their lights on and someone ran into the yard and back out creating very large shadows on the tent.  Many things went through my head and I had a hard time sleeping after that.  Theo informed me in the next day that it was the paperboy.   Our minds are monsters.

I packed us up the next morning anticipating rain for the next few days.  Then B and I went to Snow Farm for clean up day.  She helped a lot.  Aunties Liz and Julie stole her away to see 2 day old puppies.  I ran some miles maybe 2.5 (unsure but think that is close got lost and ended up on an unknown side road) around a lake near their house.

I ran 3.5 today at the gym today.  Ruth C. came over to let me get out Thanks!  When Bennett woke up this morning she said she wanted to stay in bed for a week.  I told her that might get a bit boring but I understood the urge.